Twilight Facebook!
by JasmineLaBelle
Summary: Okay, I changed the name...and even though it says Twilight Facebook, there's going to be a different book series for each chapter, with random popups from other series. :  Enjoy! Jasmine


**This is my second fanfic and my first facebook one….I'm writing this while waiting for my science tutor to call me back…I know, just call me Sylvan. **** Anyway, for this story, I didn't want to just do one series of characters, like the Twilight characters or whoever, because after a few chapters there's nothing else to write. SO every chapter I'm going to have a new series of characters, featuring some from other series. Sound good? Awesome. ;) (Oh, and of course, a surprise visit from Jasmine might pop up once in a while… :D) First up…Twilight Facebook! Rated T for…inappropriateness (Is that a word?)**

**Enjoy. ;) Jasmine.**

**Emmett Cullen** has changed his profile picture.

**JasmineLaBelle** What the hell…Emmett, is that a screenshot from our sex tape?

**Rosalie Hale **WHAT?

**Emmett Cullen **Ohhhh yeah….. *waggles eyebrows*

**Rosalie Hale **WHAT THE FUCK?

**Rosalie Hale **is now single.

**Emmett Cullen, JasmineLaBelle, and 6 others** **like this.**

**Alice Cullen** just saw the Volturi coming and killing everybody.

**Emmett Cullen** Whaaat? I thought we put those shitbags in their place!

**Aro Volturi **Bad choice of words…we can hear you….

**Emmett Cullen **That was scary.

**Bella Cullen** Why did you even add him to your Friends list?

**Emmett Cullen** I dunno, it just happened. Just like me and JasmineLaBelle…*waggles eyebrows again*

**JasmineLaBella** *winks*

**Rosalie Hale **NO WAY!

**Emmett Cullen **Um, hello? Not your businesses anymore, remember we're not together?

**Rosalie Hale **has just joined the group "Suicide Thoughts Therapy."

**Katniss Everdeen **Wow. That girl's got issues.

**Bella Cullen **Who are you?

**Katniss Everdeen **The pot of gold at the end of your rainbow.

**Bella Cullen **?

**Emmett Cullen **?

**Edward Cullen **No I'M Bella's pot of gold!

**Alice Cullen **When did you get here?

**Edward Cullen **After my therapy sessions!

**Alice Cullen **?

**Emmett Cullen **Freak.

**Edward Cullen ***runs away crying*

**Bella Cullen **Oh, God, not again.

**Alice Cullen **So, about the Volturi killing us…

**Jasper Hale** They must want revenge.

**Emmett Cullen **Dude, DUH.

**Bella Cullen** Didn't need a genius to figure _that_ one out.

**Jasper Hale** W-what?

**Alice Cullen **It's okay, Jasper. They didn't mean it.

**Emmett Cullen** Sure we did!

**Alice Cullen **wishes her family was smarter.

**Jasper Hale** wishes his family was nicer.

**Alice Cullen **So what should we do about the Volturi?

**Katniss Everdeen **No fear, Cullens-

**Jasper Hale **I'm not a Cullen.

**Katniss Everdeen ***virtually gives the finger to Jasper* Anyway, like I was saying, I can just shoot them down with my madly epic archery skills!

**Emmett Cullen **Uh…

**Alice Cullen **Uhh…

**Jasper Hale **Uhhh…

**Bella Cullen **Uhhhh…

**Emmett Cullen, Alice Cullen, Jasper Hale, and** **Bella Cullen have logged off.**

**Katniss Everdeen **Was it something that I said?

**Jacob Black and Quil Ateara have logged on. **

**Jacob Black **HELLOOOOOO LEEEECHESSSSSSSSSSSS!

**Rosalie Hale **Oh, great. The female dogs are here.

**Quil Ateara **Hey, babe, we are WEREWOLVES.

**Rosalie Hale **Do not ever call me babe again or I will personally kill you in your sleep.

**Quil Ateara **Awesomeness never sleeps.

**Rosalie Hale **You're right, I don't.

**Quil Ateara **has just joined the group "I Need Better Comebacks."

**Rosalie Hale** Wow.

**Emmett Cullen **just broke Esme's best vase.

**Esme Cullen **EMMETT!

**Emmett Cullen **Shit. I thought you were still at your PTA meeting.

**Esme Cullen **What? I'm not on the PTA!

**Emmett Cullen **Well you're old enough to be.

**Esme Cullen **has just disowned one of her sons.

**Carlisle Cullen **just performed surgery.

**Bella Cullen** Oh, what kind?

**Carlisle Cullen **I fixed a heart.

**Bella Cullen **How do you fix a heart?

**Carlisle Cullen **I had to pump some love into it. ;)

**Esme Cullen **;)

**Bella Cullen **Oh, ew. I'm not even related to you.

**Alice Cullen **You think being related to them makes this any less uncomfortable?

**Carlisle Cullen **I've called this meeting to discuss the dangers of the Volturi in Alice's vision.

**Charlie Swan** What's a Volturi?

**Bella Cullen **Um…a unicorn.

**Charlie Swan **Oooh! I want one!

**Bella Cullen **They're all dead. I killed them all.

**Charlie Swan **Bella! No more allowance for you!

**Bella Cullen **Dad, you don't give me an allowance.

**Charlie Swan **Oh, yes, that's right, I'm talking about my other illegitimate daughter Peeta!

**Peeta Mellark **Hey, I'm a boy!

**Bella Cullen **?

**Alice Cullen **Hey, don't look at me, it's not my fault!

**Emmett Cullen **Um…no one said it was….

**Bella Cullen **Awkward….

**Alice Cullen **is freaking out because everyone just found out about her affair with her sister-in-law's father.

**Bella Cullen **I guess that explains why he was so fond of Alice…

**Jasper Hale** is not mad at Alice because he had an affair too.

**Alice Cullen **What? With who?

**Jasper Hale **Charlie.

**Alice Cullen **Oooh, isn't he just AMAZING?

**Charlie Swan **Hey, Jasper, remember in Vegas?

**Jasper Hale **How could I forget? *winks*

**Bella Cullen **Um.

**Alice Cullen and Jasper Hale have entered a chatroom so they can talk about Charlie without making Bella uncomfortable.**

**Bella Cullen **Thanks, guys, but I don't think that would really help.

**Alice Cullen **Well, okay then, if you insist! Hey, Jaspy, don't you just LOVE that mole on Charlie's butt?

**Jasper Hale **Oh my blood YES! I think it looks just like Rosalie!

**Rosalie Hale **Um, excuse me?

**Carlisle Cullen **Why is it we can never have a normal Facebook family meeting without someone crying or talking about Charlie's um… "features"?

**Renesmee Cullen **Be_cause _Carlisle, that's what Facebook's for! Talking about stuff with people that would be way too embarrassing to talk about in real life! Like how everybody knows how you have a collage of shirtless Jacob pictures in your office!

**Esme Cullen **Um…what?

**Jacob Black **Well, I don't really blame him…I mean have you SEEN these muscles?

**Renesmee Cullen **Why, yes, I have… ;)

**Jacob Black **;)

**Bella Cullen **RENESMEE CARLIE CULLEN!

**Renesmee Cullen **What? Don't act like you and Dad don't do it every time we leave you alone!

**Edward Cullen **Do what? What do we do?

**Renesmee Cullen **Why are you so stupid? Even Jasper knows what I'm talking about!

**Jasper Hale **Excuse me?

**Renesmee Cullen **You know what I'm talking about, Mr. Civil War Major.

**Charlie Swan **What?

**Bella Cullen **Um…he plays a Major in a Civil War reenactment.

**Jasper Hale **Stupid Northerners.

**Jacob Black **Let's play Guess How Many Sets of Abs Jake has on his stomach!

**Renesmee Cullen **FOUR!

**Bella Swan **How do you know that?

**Renesmee Cullen **Same way you know how many chest hairs Dad has.

**Bella Cullen **108!

**Bella Cullen **Did I really just say that out loud?

**Alice Cullen **Yes.

**Renesmee Cullen **That's embarrassing.

**Edward Cullen **Renesmee Cullen, am I hearing you talk inappropriately on Facebook?

**Renesmee Cullen **Yes.

**Edward Cullen **… I was thinking you would be saying no.

**Renesmee Cullen **And I was thinking you would be less annoying.

**Jacob Black **YES! I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU!

**Charlie Swan **You know, Nessie, I don't really like you on Facebook.

**Renesmee Cullen **What! I'm totally likeable on Facebook!

**Jacob Black **And off Facebook. ;)

**Charlie Swan **I mean I think it's a bad idea! Some old creeper-

**Rosalie Hale **Like yourself?

**Charlie Swan **–could track you down and kidnap you!

**Renesmee Cullen **Oh, don't worry about that. If anyone tries to take me away, I'll just have my family of vampires rip them apart and burn the pieces!

**Charlie Swan **WHAT?

**Bella Swan **She's kidding.

**Edward Cullen **I'm deleting her Facebook.

**Emmett Cullen and Rosalie Hale would like to invite all of you to their wedding.**

**JasmineLaBelle **WHAT? What's this?

**Emmett Cullen **Sorry, babe, it just happened. Just like me and Effie. ;)

**Effie Trinket **:D

**Rosalie Hale **WHAT?

**Rosalie Hale and JasmineLaBelle have joined the group "Emmett's a Vampire Idiot."**

**Esme Cullen and 438 others like this.**

**Emmett Cullen and Effie Trinket dislike this.**

**Emmett Cullen **Hey, has anybody seen that new movie Twilight?

**Bella Cullen **Ugh, yes. It was terrible.

**Emmett Cullen **I thought you kinda look like the main character.

**Renesmee Cullen **Thanks!

**Emmett Cullen **No, I mean your mom looks like her! She was pretty ugly.

**Bella Cullen **WHAT?

**Emmett Cullen **Oh, you know what I mean.

**Renesmee Cullen **Did anybody else find that movie kind of inaccurate?

**Bella Cullen **Yes! A half human, half vampire? Not likely!

**Renesmee Cullen **HEY!

**Bella Cullen **Oh yeah, I forgot about you.

**Renesmee Cullen **How do you forget about ME?

**Bella Cullen **Oh yeah, you're the thing that ruined my life.

**Renesmee Cullen **Oh, so now I'm a THING?

**Bella Cullen **Yep.

**Emmett Cullen **Pretty much.

**Renesmee Cullen **I'm deleting my Facebook. It causes me too many problems.

**OKAY that's my Twilight Facebook Fanfic! I think my next chapter will either be with The Hunger Games or House of Night characters. And I just wanted to say: Usually I don't talk or write like this. I mean, I say crap like it's the Holy Word and I guess you could say I'm more Pg-13, and when I'm feeling rambunctious I'll move it up to PG-14. I'm definitely not a regular T-rated person. Well I hoped you loooooved it! ;) Jasmine**


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